Letters From George
by Chelle Storey-Daniel
Summary: In the aftermath of George's death, everyone receives a special gift from him.


*~*~*~

Something surreal happens in a hospital when a doctor passes away.

No one wants to call the time of death.

No one wants to be the one to break the news.

No one wants to believe that they were unable to save one of their own.

The doctors who are left standing become robots as they try to come to terms with the audacity of death. Even people who experience death as intimately as physicians experience life, cannot immediately come to terms with failure. Especially when the person who has died under their scalpel is the same person who greeted them daily in the hallway or scrubbed in to help out just the day before.

George O'Malley was unrecognizable. His face was mangled, his limbs were broken and bent at odd angles, and his surgeons, the ones he respected and admired, could only stare at one another when it became clear that he was never coming back. Meredith's final command for the paddles to be charged again fell on deaf ears. It was done.. It was over. The floor was slick with O'Malley's blood and his heart would never beat again. It had been silent too long.

It was Owen Hunt who eventually called the time of death.

Meredith screamed.

Callie leaned her head against George's chest and no one touched her as she began to cry.

Derek could only set his scalpel aside as he removed his scrub cap and lowered his head.

*~*~

Something surreal happens to a man when he walks into a recruiter's office and signs on the dotted line. He surrenders his life into whichever branch of the military called to him and he does so with the full understanding that he may never return home again. It was that knowledge that compelled George O'Malley to sit down on a bench in the hospital locker room and write several letters. He could not have known at the time that he would never see Iraq or wear a crisp uniform or hear bombs falling in the distance. All George knew, as he sat with his back against the wall and his ankles crossed in front of him, is that he felt peace for the first time in his life. He was going where he was needed. Seattle Grace certainly did not need him ... another doctor would fill his position immediately. His best friend had gotten married and no longer required a hand from him. The apartment he had once shared with Lexie Grey was overrun with roaches and he had lost interest in battling them. And he was fairly certain that the only thing binding him to Seattle at all was his mother ... and did she not gush with pride about Cousin Albert being in Iraq every time he spoke with her?

What George needed, he knew, was a change of scenery. New friends, new faces, new goals, and new patients.

He needed to go someplace where he was not only needed, but required. Watching Callie cut off a viable leg, just so the soldier it belonged to would be able to return to war, had been eye opening. George wanted a reason to cut a few things for himself. He wanted to cut the ties, cut the apron strings, and cut all the excess out of his life and move forward.

He could not do that, however, without a proper goodbye. He wasn't stupid. He knew that they were all planning an 'intervention'. Seattle Grace carried gossip the way his brother Jerry carried his flatulence: out loud and far too often. George had gone to Webber to tender his resignation in the hopes of being sent home early and that's exactly what had happened.

O'Malley wasn't good at goodbyes. Never a word smith, he still felt compelled to say something. After all, his co-workers, his friends, his ex-wife ... all of them had helped shape him into the man he had become when he stepped into the recruiter's office and said yes.

So, he bought pretty stationary from the gift shop and put pen to paper.

He left the letters stacked on the Chief's desk and left the hospital with a determined spring in his step. His car had suffered traumatic engine failure and was currently on blocks at his mother's house, but that didn't matter. He whistled as he walked to the bus stop, determined not to look back. Looking back, he had learned, had a way of making the future blur around the edges. Looking back always made a person's eyes water a little too much.

George was looking forward when he saw the bus coming.

He was looking forward when he shoved the pretty blond girl out of the way.

But he closed his eyes in the ambulance and he closed them again when Meredith knew who he was.

Trauma was his calling and George assessed his own damage several times as he listened to them talk about him. He wouldn't be coming out of this one. Callie wouldn't be setting his arm without telling him since that hurt less. Derek wouldn't be cutting into his head and stopping the pressure ... George could feel the pressure ... an unstoppable force to be reckoned with. For a doctor to know they are dying, he figured, was probably worse than knowing you were losing your coworker. And as much as he liked the pretty blond who kept clutching his hand and telling him he would be okay, he made the decision to let Meredith know the truth. No one should die alone. No one should die a secret. No one should die a mystery. No one, George thought, should die without hearing their name one last time.

Meredith said his name. She screamed it. And then everyone was saying it and it was almost enough to chase the pain away.

George knew it was already too late, though.

Wasn't that his father in the corner of the room? Wasn't that his dad giving him a thumbs up and waving to him the same way he had waved at him when the school bus picked him up the first time? Yes, that was definitely Harold O'Malley and that could only mean one thing.

Derek's voice calling his name and telling him he would be all right meant nothing.

Meredith's grip on his hand as she stared at him, Callie's hand on his chest, her brown eyes boring into his own, those were the things he saw as the anesthesiologist put him to sleep. And he felt loved.

The most heroic thing George O'Malley ever did was not saving the heart in the elevator guy.

It was not helping a girl who was meant to be a boy cut off her hair.

It was not supporting Dr. Bailey as she leaned against him and pushed her son into life.

It was not having the courage to tell Callie the truth about Izzie.

And it was not pushing the pretty little blond out of the path of the bus and taking it himself.

No.

The bravest thing George O'Malley ever did was to stare at Izzie Stevens in an elevator, give her a smile, and press the button to send her away. That's exactly what he did.

And when the elevators opened the second time she was gone and George stepped inside. Brave. Strong. And alone.

Richard Webber found his letters after he had called George's mother himself. He read his own note twice before personally delivering the others.

**The letter he wrote to Dr. Bailey was given to her as she sobbed in the stairwell.**

_Dr. Bailey,_

_I just wanted to thank you for all that you have done for me. I know that when I get to where I'm going, I'll hear your voice in my head and be reminded of home. You were the best drill sergeant a person could ask for and I'm a better man today because I listened to you. I definitely made my fair share of mistakes along the way, but I want you to know that I learned from you. Everything you had to say to me was a lesson that I am taking with me and I will apply it where I can._

_You are angry at me for joining the Army and I understand that, but I want you to know that it is through your belief in me that I feel confident enough to believe that I can make a change in the world. You have changed my world. I wouldn't have been much of a surgeon if you had not tutored me, mentored me, and yelled at me when I needed it._

_I don't know what you will choose to do with your fellowship. But I want you to know that choosing pediatrics or general surgery doesn't really matter at all. You are going to be the Chief one day and you deserve it. And I want to take a moment to overstep my bounds and tell you that your husband's support should be his most important gift to your marriage. If you can't say that you have that from him, then you can't really say you have a marriage. Food for thought. I'm writing this to you because I am well aware of the fact that I may not come back and I've made peace with that ... I also said that thing about your marriage because I'll be gone by the time you read this and you can't kill me for it. You have helped me live more in the past couple of years than most people can expect to live in a lifetime. Dr. Bailey, you are an inspiration and I thank you for the opportunities you have given me._

_Please remind little Tuck that I'm his second biggest fan and always will be. If I don't come back, please take him out to visit my mother sometimes. She always wanted me to give her a grandchild and if I can't do that ... my little namesake can._

_All the best,_

_George_

**Meredith was given her letter as she sat on the floor of the scrub room, still soaked with his blood, under the sink she had washed her mother's ashes down.**

_Dear Meredith,_

_You have the distinction of being my first love. I've had crushes and you know very well that I had the Bo Derek poster on my wall for ages, but you were definitely and unequivocally my first love. I have to believe that everything happens for a reason. You were destined for Dr. Shepherd and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was destined for war. I know how insane that sounds. I'm George O'Malley. I'm 007. I'm just an average, ordinary person, but I need to do extraordinary things. I have to believe I will do that before I die._

_I gave Izzie away at the wedding that should have been yours. I really hope you get whatever it is you need out of life. I don't think a fancy wedding and a frilly dress suits you. I think you are the jeans and t-shirt kind of bride who will be happier writing your vows on a napkin and passing them to Derek in the cafeteria. Whatever you decide, I want you to be happy. You have earned complete and utter happiness. The dark days of carrying your mother's pain are gone. Lift your head and smile, Mer, because there are so few guarantees in life. I think Derek's love for you is guaranteed. He's seen you at your best and loved you through your worst. And you have done the same for him. Love like yours is special so never take it for granted and please believe me when I tell you that you are not the dark and twisty Meredith you believed yourself to be all this time. Because even in your darkest moments ... you were still the light at the end of my tunnel and the sunshine I longed for every day._

_Don't worry about me. I know what I'm doing and where I'm going and no matter what happens, I'm prepared. I can do this. I will do this. I've watched you soldier through so much and I'll do the same. You taught me how._

_Please take care of yourself and never forget that you are worthy of whatever goodness comes your way._

_Forever,_

_George_

**Cristina was given her letter as she sat, unable to stand, in the boiler room of the hospital.**

_Deer Cristina,_

_I bet you never thought I'd call you deer and the spelling was intentional. From one Bambi to another, I see you. I know that you have perfected the art of the cool exterior and you rarely let your emotions show. But you're also the person who followed me into a cold, horrible night to tell me about the Dead Dad's Club. I would have gladly let you operate on my Dad's heart because you, Dr. Yang, could have done so flawlessly._

_Work on your own heart now._

_I'd like to think that Owen Hunt can play a part in that. He's a good, decent man and I've seen the way you are with him. You aren't the same person that Burke left behind in the church that day. You've still got that cool exterior working for you, but you are a lot like me. You just don't know it yet._

_Never forget that it's okay sometimes to let your walls down. I think it may be bravest thing in the world to let people see you for who you really are and love you for that instead of how steadily you can hold a scalpel for them._

_I'll be thinking of you._

_George_

**Alex accepted his letter with a shaking hand as he sat staring at Izzie's sleeping face.**

_Alex,_

_I'm not going to apologize for punching you over the syphilis thing or tell you that I'm a fan of yours. We both know that would be a lie. You're an ass, but you're a decent ass. You're also an ass who deserves Izzie Stevens and that's probably the highest compliment I could give anyone. She's my best friend and I want the best for her. I think that's you._

_Hang on. My hand just cramped up writing that.._

_Just kidding._

_In all seriousness, listening to what you said to her at your wedding was eye opening for me. I've been waiting all my life for the opportunity to say that I'm a man. You stood there, looking at the woman you love, and you knew that this was a battle that you had to help her fight. I hope that you can respect that my own battle to be a man was just as difficult as yours, it has just taken me a little longer to figure that out. So, from one man to another, from one man about to embark on the first day of the rest of his life, I salute you, Alex Karev. Stay strong for Izzie. Be the man you know you are._

_Take care,_

_George_

**Lexie's letter found her in the same linen closet she had once robbed blind to make a nice home for George.**

_Lex,_

_I know that I let you down and that you were disappointed in me. I want to thank you for everything you did for me, though. Your belief that I could pass my exam and be a good doctor is worth more than you will ever know. Who you are did not stop me from trying to have a relationship with you. You being Meredith's sister and my past with her never crossed my mind. I didn't start a relationship with you because you deserve so much more than I can give right now._

_I've never had a meaningful relationship with myself, Lexie. I've never really figured out who I am. I'm no good to you or anyone else until I learn more about who I am. I couldn't blur the lines of friendship with you because I had done that already with Izzie and hurt a lot of people in the process. So never, ever for one second think that you are at fault. I'm the unworthy one. And that's why I'm doing this. I'm doing something for ME._

_Thank you again. You were an excellent friend and I have no doubt at all that you will be an incredible doctor._

_Never give up on Meredith. She's a hard shell to crack, but she's worth it._

_George_

**Callie's letter found her in the hospital basement, sitting in the precise spot George had been in when she cut his hair.**

**Dear Callie,**

**You always got me. You got me on a level that no one ever has before. I think that scared me because I wasn't ready to have someone know me the way you did. I didn't even know MYSELF the way you knew me. I've put a lot of blame for our marriage and divorce on you. I said that you were at fault for marrying someone who just lost their father and I even made myself believe it for a while, but that's not true. The truth is, I needed you. I needed you because no one else in the world had the same faith in me that you did. No one loved me the way you did. No one forced me to be accountable the way you did. I just wasn't ready for you.**

**I look at you sometimes now and I can't believe that a woman like you would give me a second glance. You are beautiful. You are beautiful and smart and funny and I can hear your laugh from across the room and I'm instantly calm. You can smile at me, that way you do when we have an annoying patient or you're trying to keep from laughing out loud, and all I want to do is go back in time and do it right. I owed you better than what I gave you and I hurt you when you did nothing to deserve it at all.**

**I hope it gives you some measure of comfort to know that I sat behind you and Arizona Robbins at Izzie's wedding and I watched you kiss her cheek ... and I was jealous. I know that you have something with Dr. Robbins. Something special, I think. Because sometimes when I'm looking at you ... I notice that she is, too. Only she's seeing exactly what I should have seen all along.**

**It took me a long time to say it, Callie. I wanted to make sure I meant it. And now I can. I love you. I love you and everything we had together. I wish you nothing but the best.**

**Always,**

**George**

*~*~*~*~

Something surreal happened three weeks after George's death.

Izzie woke up from her coma and looked around her room.

Most of her friends were there, present and accounted for..

She looked to her left, where the sign that said 'O'Malley joined the army' used to be. It was gone.

George was gone as well.

No one told her. No one had the nerve to do anything except smile through their tears and tell her what a miracle she was. Izzie didn't ask, either. She purposely avoided gossip as she struggled to walk in the hallways and clutched at Alex's hands as she waited for her next set of scans.

The day she was ready to leave the hospital, Chief Webber put an envelope on the bed and quietly left the room.

Izzie recognized George's handwriting instantly, but she didn't open it. She brought it to her face and breathed it in, thinking she could catch his scent but it was elusive.

Tucking it into her purse, Izzie knew that she would never open it.

What needed to be said between them had been said repeatedly. She had heard it when George cradled her head in his lap as she cried over Denny. She heard it when he kneeled in front of her as she donated bone marrow to her daughter. She heard it when he walked her down the aisle.

And the loudest place she ever heard it was while she stood in an elevator looking at her best friend in his dress greens with a chest full of medals.

Nothing more needed to be said.

Ever.

*~*~*~*~

The End

*~*~*~*~

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